WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR AND CANNOT LAUGH AT YOURSELF, STOP READING RIGHT NOW. I will also note I used 'goth club' as an umbrella term.

When you travel across the countries and visit their local goth clubs, you start to realize that the atrocities found in your home club are indeed not special and unique, such as yourself. No, see, they're everywhere. Here are a select few that you may run into at a goth club around the world.

A. Often referred to as Squidheads, this group of people can be identified by their dreadfalls, goggles, and faux-military garb along with large boots. They will stand in a corner being pretentious and probably mock you while doing so. Squidheads know all of the DJs and bands in the scene and you don't. They will flee to the dancefloor at the sound of a German air raid siren, which usually announces the beginning of their favorite song.

B. Gothapotamus. Wears shirts such as Bad Kitty, I Do What the Voices Tell Me to Do, striped stockings and animal ears. They will mew and squee at you and dance awkwardly by themselves in the corner. 99% of gothapotamuses are furries. They travel in groups and usually have the underage X on their hand. Most wouldn't be able to tell you what is currently being played unless it's Korn or Rammstein.

C. GothDude, who probably goes by the name Azrael DeathOrchid. You will never be as goth as him, ever. Don't even try to reason, Christian Death was NOT the start of Goth, even though he worships Rozz like any other GothDude does. Despises metal and all forms of rap and will proudly denounce any newcoming bands to the scene. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish GothDude from GothBabe.

D. Juggalo guy, no one knows why he shows up but he just does.